Shocking News

So, now that we had decided not to proceed with the drug treatment, we were feeling really positive and excited.  What a relief that we didn't need to find such an astronomical amount of money for Adam's cancer treatment.  We were going to return to the Burzynski clinic with confidence, and ask the doctor to create an alternative protocol.  But, first we had Adam's MRI appointment.  Just a technicality really, since it's so unlikely that a brain tumor could grow back in less than 6 weeks after surgery.  Especially with all the changes we had made.  Impeccable diet, all the right supplements, no cell phone or cordless phone use, daily exercise, and a new low-stress attitiude toward life.  The MRI appointment went off without a hitch.  We went out to lunch and then returned to the clinic.

We were immediately ushered into the financial counselor's office again.  She asked us if we were prepared to pay the treatment deposit, and if we had filled out all the financial aid forms.  We gleefully said that we hadn't filled out the forms because we had decided not to take synthetic drugs as part of the treatment.  She just stared blankly at us for a few seconds.  Adam looked at me, so I explained to her that perhaps it would make sense for us to meet with the doctor again and find out if he would be able to work with us considering our strong views against the medications.  It seemed pointless to pay the $10,000 deposit only to find out that the doctor will not treat Adam without the synthetic drugs.  So, the financial counselor got the doctor on the phone.  Adam had a new doctor now since yesterday, so it wasn't Dr. Szymkowski this time.  Adam spoke to Dr. Sano briefly, then asked if he could pass the phone onto me, since I had done the research and knew a bit more about the side effects we were concerned about.  Dr. Sano was very nice, and said she would certainly repect our wishes.  However, since they found lesions in Adam's brain this morning, it looks like the cancer may have returned and therefore the drugs would really be necessary.  I nearly dropped the phone.  Lesions?  Already??!!  It just wasn't posssible.  The doctor explained that due to the change in circumstance, she would need to meet with Dr. Burzynski and discuss what he wants to do next, and she asked us to go to the waiting room where she could talk to us face-to-face.

It's funny, but earlier in the day, Adam and I were talking about the MRI.  He was looking forward to a clear result to confirm that we had been doing the right things.  I said to him, "If there is anything there, it's because God put it there.  There is no way a tumor could grow back so fast.  And if He puts it there, it will be for a very good reason."  But, when I said it, neither of us conceived that it could be possible.  And when the doctor said that they had found lesions, that conversation flew right out of my memory.  How?  Why?  How could there be lesions?  And she said "lesions", not "lesion".  So there's more than one.  Why?  Why?  Why?  Why is this happening?

Dr. Sano came out straight away.  I loved her the instant she sat down.  She is Asian of some sort, Indian, maybe.  Petite, soft-spoken, and just lovely.  She said that Dr. Burzynski was out of the office, so she couldn't talk to him yet.   But, the radiologist was having a second look at the MRI from the morning, and comparing it to the post-op MRI.  She wanted to know exactly where we stood financially and what we wanted to do about the medications, so she could tell the doctor exactly where we stood.  And we were totally honest with her.  We can't afford the meds.  We just can't do it.  She told us that it was now possible that Dr. Burzynski might want to put Adam in the clinical trial.  Now he had a "persistant" tumor, and there was something measurable.  If he was given permission by the FDA to receive the antineoplaston treatment, now there was material they could measure and watch it shrink.  This is essential to be considered for the trial.  I looked behind the desk at the giant photo on the wall.  Pope John Paul II was shaking hands with Dr. Burzynski.  The same Pope John Paul II that blessed Adam's head as a child.  The same Pope John Paul II we had been praying to day after day after day since this started.

We went back to the condo and prayed.  We walked to the grocery store, and tried to focus on buying something for dinner.  Neither of us was particularly hungry, and Adam was starting to feel achy and feverish.  The phone rang, and it was Dr. Sano.  Dr. Burzynski is putting Adam forward for the trial.  He is going to receive the antineoplaston therapy.  The therapy we have read about from the beginning.  The real reason we came here.  She doesn't know anything about the financials, which we'll have to work out with the counselor tomorrow.  We have no idea how much it's going to cost, but I know with every fiber of my being that THIS is what Adam came here for.  The small lesions were put there for a reason.  And a small silver lining:  they were there in the first post-op MRI.  The doctor didn't get it all out.  Invisible to the naked eye, but when zoomed 5 times on the MRI, they are visible.  They didn't grow back after the surgery... they have been there all along.  And they haven't changed in 6 weeks, so we HAVE been doing the right thing.  We have been able to manage Adam's cancer with diet and supplements.  Now we just have to kill the sucker once and for all.